Thursday, December 18, 2008


I'm in the mood to talk about...personal things. Nothing in particular. Just to talk. Just to be rebellious and not give a shit :) So, this semester turned out really good. Besides political science, which I'm not going to talk about it... but it's nothing horrible. I'm in a great place in my life, but in a horrible place as well... I'm doing great in school, better with drinking, lost weight... umm have a great boyfriend, at the same time, im struggling trying to get everything together for nursing school, and getting a job before nursing school that i get health benefits b/c mine run out with my dad in 3 months and i'm on 6 different medications. What to do!? Money situation is horrible and with senior semester coming, i have no time for a job. people say just suck it up. Been there done that. It's difficult to just "suck it up" --- so I'm trying and I'll keep going on. My brother is still a drug addict and it kills me. He just lost his job, probably because of drugs. He used to be addicted to cocaine and now it's painkillers because for some reason, he can walk right into an ER and they give him a whole bottle of painkillers which last him a night. But when I went into an ER with a legitimate panic attack Id get one valium and am sent home... How does that happen? While my brother is getting more and more pills and becoming more and more dependent on drugs...again! What the hell? I just dont even know what to say about that. It's scary that i see the same drug addiction qualities in me. I have an addictive personality. It has been shown in my former love for alcohol where thats all I'd do is drink all day. Why though? Why does this happen? Why can't people just deal with life? Well, because fucking sucks sometimes and thats just how it is. IT just fucking sucks. And having a pill or an alcoholic beverage, well frankly, it makes it go away. But why can't it just not hurt us? why can't it just make it go away and then we're fine and it doesn't hurt our loved ones, and our futures? But no, it kills us. It kills our families and our futures and everything in our lives. We have to deal with life, or die. Deal with it or die? And I say why!!!!!!!! It's just one of those things...suck it up they say. SUCK IT UP!

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